My dog looks so much better now! I can no longer see her ribs at all. I'm not worried about her being fat because she's always been active and slim, which I think is why she was so thin in the first place. I can't wait until I have some rabbits to feed her. With the fat.

My garden is doing well and I've gathered several tomatoes from it, but I still will need to grow things aquaponically during the winter to really cut my food and feed bill. As soon as I have some starts ready for the tank, I'll buy and introduce the goldfish. I've selected goldfish, in particular, because they are inexpensive and if I make a fatal mistake, I can always buy more. Still, I hope I don't and they live long enough to grow to the size where they can be eaten.

Then maybe I can move up to tilapia, which is what I really want. Maybe crayfish, but I doubt it because they supposedly fight. Or there are those british crayfish (I can't remember what they're called right now) some people are using, but I'm just not sure if they will fight or not. I could close their claws like restaurants do with lobster,  but I just don't want to. Seems cruel to me. I want any livestock I raise (aquastock? I think I like that) to be as happy and healthy and have a good life as possible, and to be slaughtered humanely even if I have to do it myself. I'm of the opinion that if you eat, you should be there for every step of the way anyway to understand what sacrifices are being made for your food and so you can give it the best life you can give it, whether it's a tomato or a fish. People are too far removed from that. Some even think meat doesn't come from animals at all, but some grocery store manufacturing plant.

Anyway, I'm looking for a dehydrator (my brand new one broke and I can't find the receipt...grrrrrr) and a pressure canner. I've tried to dehydrate some edible weeds in my oven and met with moderate success, but it takes time and I'm not comfortable leaving it on while I'm away. I've found a couple of pressure canners, but they were missing vital equipment I wasn't sure could be replaced since they were no-name brands. Sigh.

My theme song for the week: "I Will Survive."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Faf1ch7Q9XE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Blessed Be.

My dog is finally starting to look the way she should, filled out and beautiful. She's also more playful than she's been for some time. I won't be putting her to work just yet, of course, until she gets a bit more filled out, but I'm so, so glad she's eating and gaining weight. She's still getting kibble along with the meat and she's eating both. I think this 40 pound or so dog ate about 2 pounds of meat tonight! Plus kibble.

On another note, my sprouts are a huge success and I'm considering planting some in an aquaponic system to see how they'll do. If they work, that might open a whole world of possibilities for indoor gardening, which could save money and help me and my critters to be happier and healthier. It's a win-win.

Blessed Be.

Why I fed my dog raw chicken

I fed my dog raw chicken yesterday. An entire drumstick large enough to still be attached to the spine. She ate most of it and my little dog got the rest.

She's been steadily losing weight and was not at all like her usual playful self. She ate only enough to keep her alive, but not enough to keep her at her healthy weight. It was downright painful to watch her ribs start to become visible as she walked. I added vegetable oil to her food, scraps, starches, anything I could think of, she still didn't maintain her weight. She'd gain it, yes, but then she'd refuse to eat very much and it seemed to drop right back off.

Then I remembered how, a few months ago, I had fed them raw hamburgers that I wasn't about to eat myself because they were terrible tasting. She eagerly gulped them down each day and awaited them the next. She loved them, once she realized they were really food.

Kibble, of course, is less expensive and in some ways easier, so when the burgers were gone, she went back to that. She did fine for a while, but not forever. I was beginning to worry about her health, as well as the very real possibility that animal control would see her and decide to pay me a visit. Even the vet could do nothing if she refused to eat and was otherwise healthy.

so I threw her a large piece of chicken.

She's a very large dog, but that piece was too much for her. Since it was large and frozen, I think she was a bit overwhelmed. She couldn't easily tear a piece off and she couldn't really chew it well, so it sat.

I thought I knew the problem so I cut it. Immediately, she began to chew at the piece I threw her, crunching and tearing. It took a bit of time, but she ate it. I gave her more and more and she loved it.

Today, she's being playful. I haven't seen her that way in months. Feeding meat (although not raw) was something I was planning to do "some day." Now I know she needs it today.

It doesn't matter what the AVMA rules. I know what's best for my dog and raw food is the only thing that's getting her back to her old self. I love her enough not to listen to vets who care more about the kibble industry than about my dog, and to listen to what my dog tells me instead.

Blessed Be.

We didn't need another dog. When I saw Penny at the feedstore, though, I instantly fell in love. She was a beagle/blue-heeler mix with heeler markings and beagle ears and tail.

She's very healthy and sweet, very socialized and lovable. I've seen puppies given away for free which needed more TLC than this sweet gal. I'm glad to know the gentleman who raised her got a little bit of reimbursement for her excellent care, although not nearly as much as it cost to raise her to eight weeks.

I'm hoping to train her for herding, but she's only nine weeks old now. Her favorite activity is biting and chewing. I'll have to see what she's like when she's older, but even if she's just a pet, she'll still be loved and spoiled like any working dog.

Blessed Be.

It will be 14 years tomorrow since I lost my little girl. Will the pain never end? I will never see her smile, never hear her laugh, never see her wonder at the rainbow in a drop of water.

She will never know music, never dance, never sing. The canvas of her life will remain unpainted, untouched.

My baby. My baby. How my heart cries for her. How I long to hold her in my arms and rock her gently. How I wish I could tell her a story or see her learn. Nobody understands or even tries. She can never be replaced. She was more than a jumble of cells, don't you know that?

Every year at this time, my heart wants nothing more than to scream in agony, to hide and never be seen again, never feel again. I know it will never be, but I just want to hide.

I want to end this with something heartwarming, something inspirational, but there's nothing more I can say.

Blessed Be.

My partner is an overgrown child. She has no desire to act like a grownup at all. We're living at her mother's place and she seems to think that gives her an excuse to act like a spoiled brat. It doesn't. I'm just so lonely. Last night was the first time we've made love in at least two years and today I'm just as lonely as I was yesterday. I hurt. A lot.

I know she's clinically depressed, but she has all kinds of support with therapist, psychiatrist, medical doctor, other medical types and of course her family, myself included. I try to get her out of bed every morning, but she tells me if I loved her I wouldn't. My heart is broken. Constantly. Why can't I leave? I have plenty of grounds, but I just can't seem to leave. She's been both physically and emotionally abusive as well as lazy and bratty. I just want to die right now.

I want to work, but I can't seem to find a job and I don't have a drivers license, so half the jobs I am otherwise qualified for are done before I even apply. I'm physically disabled on top of that, so most potential employers dismiss me as soon as they see the cane anyway. I want to leave, just take my critters and go, but I don't have anyplace TO go and no money.

I hurt inside. I hurt inside constantly, but right now I feel as though someone is taking the back of a claw hammer and using it to pull out the contents of my chest. I want to cry all the time.

We say we love each other, but I don't know if I mean it anymore.  I do, I know I do, but do I really? Sometimes I'll see her face, her hair, her sweet smile and my heart will melt. Others, she makes me so angry and hurt I want to die.

I have no place I can go. Nothing I can do. Stay tuned.

Blessed Be.

I've been trying to find a job, but it's HARD with a cane! Employers look at me as a falling risk, I guess. Guess I have to get serious about starting my own business, lol.

I make jewelry. What's really great about it is that the same skills can be used in other things, too, like bending wire to make animal cages. And, of course, I had the perfect gift for the women in my life this year without spending much, which was great since I'm broke.

I hope everybody had a great New Year and Yule and has a blessed year to come.

Blessed Be.

I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted. I've been extremely busy. I've been trying to negate my disabilities, find a job and get my friend, Bunny's, name off my blog. Long story. Anyway, eac step I take is a step in the right direction, each mile brings me a mile closer to my dream.

I finally have a strain of rabbits I think will succeed, regardless of conditions. I'm planning to pasture or green feed them in about two weeks, that is if I can keep C from wanting to pet them all the time. I know they're soft, but sheesh! Too friendly and I won't be able to butcher them! I think that's what C really wants. She'd rather get attached to them then have to find them homes than let them be dinner.

The vegetable garden seems to be doing well, probably because of all the recent rains and the bunny berries we used on them. I can't wait for the tomatoes! Next year, I hope I can have some sort of raised bed.

Anyway, that's my update for now, more later!

Blessed Be.

Alaska is becoming more and more likely the location we will be homesteading. I detest the cold, but the only other place that is tax-free is Texas, which may not stay that way. I do not want to homestead somewhere, not have a "full-time job" and lose my home because of it, simply because some bureaucrat decided I needed to support him. I want to live in area with no government, including public schools, police, fire department, etc. I want to defend my own land, school my own children(yes I do intend to have internet access so they can get online), and protect my own home and family. I have the highest respect for law-enforcement, but I see it as my job, nobody else's. Basically, I want to out in the middle of nowhere taking care of me and mine.

I am coming up with a design, which will, of course, depend on the local terrain, to create an all-in-one underground or similar-type house, barn and greenhouse so I never have to leave the warmth. Cold, as you may recall, is painful for me. I will need a reliable source of water, artificial lighting and a source of energy for it(I imagine solar is out in the winter!) good stores of dried, canned and frozen foods of various types and a whole heck of a lot of determination. I know I can do this, but I need to do even more research first as well as stocking up on a lot of things!

For now, I have time. I don't believe the world will end or the grocery stores will run out any time soon. Heritage plants will still be able to be purchased next year, and so will chickens, cattle, goats, bees, and rabbits. 2012 will be just the same as 2011. Unfortunately.

Blessed Be.

I am currently reading "Strong Survival: The Life and Times of a Mountain Woman" by Cliffie Strong. There a quite a few good ideas in it so far, and I haven't even read all that far in it. I have also read several other homesteading books, which I will list when I find them.

Blessed Be.

I have been researching homesteading while disabled. There seems to be little on the subject. I did find one blog on homesteading with chronic pain and it seems to be a very good one. Chronic pain, as my readers know, is the reason I am disabled. I hope to be able to eliminate the pain soon and become employed to earn money to accomplish my dream of homesteading, but I'm certain this pain will never completely leave. That's fine, I am an excellent improviser. I have been working on ideas on using various degrees of my disability to my advantage, even, gods help me, should I be confined to a wheelchair. When I am certain an idea will work, through trial and error, I will gladly post them here. Meanwhile, I am am continuing my research and implementing much of what I learn in my daily life.

I've discovered that I may have to homestead alone. The person with whom I would have gone has made it quite clear she doesn't feel the need to leave the bedroom, let alone do daily chores. It will be lonely, but I'll survive. I always have.

I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving.

Blessed Be.

I realized this morning that the reason I want to homestead so badly is to prove to myself and everybody else that I do have what it takes to survive. Of course, I also want myself and my family to have nothing but fresh, healthy food and fresh, clean air. To raise livestock where they can have the most humane treatment before moving on to the next life. To know I did everything I could to help nature heal herself. I want to solve problems and work hard. And I want to never be a burden the way I am now.
Anyway, I found some inexpensive solar panels I could buy, but I'd also need other items just to get them to work without destroying my computer. Whenever I have a computer, that is!
I'm trying to find out what I can do, job wise, so I can save money to live until we move and be able to purchase the items(and the land) we will need.
It turns out that it's difficult to grow fruit in Alaska. No apples may be the deal breaker. I was planning to convert apples into pectin for canning. Unless there's another way to preserve fruit, aside from drying and freezing, that is. I do plan to do both, but I would really like to be able to can as well.
Although I will likely freeze a large portion of or food that's produced, I will most likely do it outside. We won't have more electric than we need to run the computer. That's the plan, anyway. We don't WANT surplus electric. We're trying to get away from modern conveniences.
The computer, of course, would be a necessity. Unlike a fridge or freezer. I plan to have a pressure canner that I can place on the(wood burning) stove, as well as various other items we can use without power or petrolium products. Ironically, if we move to Alaska and receive residency there, we'll be elegable for over a thousand dollars a year, from petrolium drilling operations. That's per person. I plan to save it if we get it and sock it away in case we need it. With barter, I certainly hope we don't!
A thousand dollars a year doesn't seem like very much, until you realize we won't be spending money once we get there. Still, it doesn't hurt to have a backup plan. You never know when a glacier might hit the homestead or something. I'm kidding, of course.
I hope everyone reading this has a chance to fulfill THEIR dreams! Blessed be!

I'm sure that after my last post, many of you are thinking that I don't want to work. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm actually a very hard worker and am usually working despite being in severe pain. I have to. Nobody else will! Whenever I move to the homestead, when I can afford it, I still intend to work hard, harder than ever. Not only do I believe I can do it, I'm looking forward to it!
Homesteading is hard, often grueling, work. There are risks, there are just as many benefits. My family will eat nothing but fresh, organic food part of the year and carefully, lovingly canned food the rest. They won't have a choice. I'd also like to have a greenhouse, if possible. But that's in the future. Right now, I'm trying to figure out exactly what we need, the absolute necessities.
I've been spending all day gathering supplies and doing research. I wish we could find someone who actually does this to talk to in person. That would be a big help! Maybe he/she could show us a few things. The organic store in town has a few shops about self-sustainability, I wonder if I could attend. I'll have to find out. I hope my family would be interested, as well. That would be perfect!

I have this dream. I want to live on a homestead without spending money. Yes, you read right, after the initial investment, I don't want to have to spend A PENNY. I don't even want to look at the stuff. This brought me to a realization, though. In order to live in a cashless society with a barter-based economy, I would need to invest money. A lot of money. Thousands of dollars. Much more than I could ever earn on my current salary. I just can't sock any away in this money-based society. I can't afford to. So I'll have to wait. I spend my days doing research, my nights dreaming. I know I'll need a lot of supplies, but I am ahead in one way. I already have a place to stay once we find a place to put it. I have a camper. I've been learning many things about wilderness living and will be sharing them here in the weeks and months ahead. Will you follow me here on my journey? Only time will tell!